


pulling apart

by stellaar



Series: city girls [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Break Up Talk, Crying, F/M, Hurt No Comfort, I don't know what else to tell you, Long-Distance Relationship, Long-Term Relationship(s), kuroo cries in this one, this is just angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:47:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25909090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stellaar/pseuds/stellaar
Summary: “I wish you were here.” Kuroo said, staring at his keyboard with wet eyes and a flushed face. It was hard for him to look at her. How could he look at her, the girl who’s held his heart for the past two and a half years, and tell her it’s over, despite how desperately he wants to be with her? Well, that was the problem, wasn’t it? How desperately they wanted to be together. Desperate enough to think two hundred-plus miles wouldn’t pose a serious enough problem and desperate enough to think wanting actually meant shit.Or whoever said distance makes the heart grow fonder was right but not right enough.
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou/Original Female Character(s), Kuroo Tetsurou/Reader
Series: city girls [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1880317
Kudos: 16





	pulling apart

She stared at the laptop screen, the image in front of her slightly pixelated. She could feel the exhaustion coming from the other side of the screen. A desperation of sorts but a desperation for what, she didn’t know.

A thought creeped into her head, one that pulled at her heartstrings. He was _bored_. Bored with _her_. Maybe she should stop talking now. But she shrugged it off, deeming it as overthinking. It was just another intrusive thought. Right? Her smile faltered before coming back strong.

He leaned back in his chair. His room was dark all but for his computer, illuminating him and only him in harsh blue light. His eyes tinged with sleepiness and squinted at the screen. His hair was messy and disheveled like it always was. He waited for her tonight. “Kuroo?” She asked, gently tugging his attention back to her.

His own volleyball practice ended hours earlier. Early enough for him to get home and homework and showering done ages ago. But practices ran late with Shiratorizawa. You didn’t make it to nationals for a decade straight without work. It was one in the morning now. 

He clasped his hands together, supporting the back of his head. He shut his eyes tight and let out a shaky sigh. “I can’t do this anymore.”

She knew this was coming. It had been for a long time. She can’t remember the last time she’s seen him smile during one of these calls. When the school year kicked off, they called every night, pure smiles etched on their faces and drowsy FaceTime calls where they fell asleep together. But as time passed by and they got settled and their lives diverged from one another, and they got busier and busier, too busy for one another, they became an obligation, one met with an exasperated sigh. Those calls started fading out and slowly became what it was now, both uninterested and wanting to do anything else, particularly sleep, but one still trying to hold on. _Hold on._

And in the meekest voice, she said “I’m trying, Kuroo.”

His face softened when he saw her hunched shoulders. She was picking at the rim of skin around her nail, pulling on it hard enough for blood to be drawn. He didn’t see it but he knew she was. She always fixated on her hands when she felt out of control, peeling and picking and plucking at her nails and the surrounding skin. He leaned forward, resting his forearms on his desk. “I know you are. I’m trying too, but shit, Emilia. You’re all the way in Miyagi and you’re so far away and-“

He started crying first. Not dramatic heart-wrenching sobs but enough to destabilize his breath and bring his hand to his eyes. “Fuck.” He muttered, turning to look off to the side. 

_You’re so far away_ _and things weren’t supposed to be like this._

She wasn’t supposed to be here at Shiratorizawa. She was supposed to be with him two hundreds miles away in Tokyo, at Nekoma, like she was last year. But things change. And morning walks to school and stolen kisses during breaks were no longer a comfortable constant. There were no more game days where she would don his jacket and a red ribbon in her hair. No more game days where at her volleyball games, he would cheer loud and proud from the stands, her number painted on both cheeks with red eyeshadow and a thin paintbrush he stole from her. (No more games for her where she would be at the center of the court, only the sidelines now.) And the places where he used to hold her — his arms wrapped around her waist, pressing her against his chest and chin resting on the top of her head, a warm and reassuring weight that protected her from the world — felt cold and empty. And not even his Nekoma jacket could provide the warmth he brought her, rather more of a ghost of it, there but not quite.

And feelings change. Because when they met as kids, they never expected to look at each other with eager eyes and melting hearts. And when she moved to Miyagi, they didn’t expect the first word to come to mind with each other was “tired”, not when they thought all the text messages and calls and holiday visits would tide them over. But it didn’t, not for long. 

Because their first year in different high schools hit them harder than they expected. Kuroo had to train more and more and harder too. He had to prove himself, prove that he was worthy of the title as captain when it was up for grabs next year. And responsibilities were caked on and on for Emilia, being the sole manager for the Shiratorizawa Boys VBC and the school’s innate academic rigor. And they became a thought in passing for each other. Time whittled away for the other. 

And now they were both handed aching hearts and arms outstretched, reaching for something so far away. 

“I wish you were here.” Kuroo said, staring at his keyboard with wet eyes and a flushed face. “I just want to talk to you again, for real, not over a computer screen. And I wanna- I wanna touch you and feel you.” He let out a choked sob. “I just want to hold your hand.” His voice was breaking, much like his heart.

It was hard for him to look at her. How could he look at her, the girl who’s held his heart for the past two and a half years, and tell her it’s over, despite how desperately he wants to be with her? Well, that was the problem, wasn’t it? How desperately they wanted to be together. Desperate enough to think two hundred-plus miles wouldn’t pose a serious enough problem and desperate enough to think wanting actually meant shit.

She felt her heart get pierced, seeing him cry. She wanted to hold him, cradle his head in her arms and murmur sweet nothings to him. “I know.” Emilia whispered. “I miss you so much.” There was so much she wanted to say, so much that was threatening to spill out, but she didn’t know how to put them to words. How do you salvage something you know is doomed to end? How do you ask for something you know isn’t right? The answer: you don’t. So she didn’t and neither did he.

When she finally pressed the “End Call” button fifteen minutes later, she closed her laptop with trembling hands. She stared at her cold hands and she felt like she was staring at someone else’s hands. Like she was in someone else’s body. Like she was in someone else’s reality, not her own.

She slowly clutched the edge of her desk for support, staring at the wooden floor beneath her. 

It was hard to say if the break up truly registered in her mind in that moment. Because she felt like she was floating out of her body, sensitive and fragile but that’s how she always felt when she was distressed. But she didn’t feel like it was as much as she thought it should have been. She repeated in her mind, reminding herself, that Kuroo Tetsuro was no longer her boyfriend. That the boy who left voice messages on her phone when he was bored and just wanted to bother her was no longer hers. It was sadistic in a sense but she just wanted it to feel real.

And it didn’t really hit her until she played back the events of the call in her mind. Not until she remembered the way he stuttered when he told her he loves her and he’s not sure if he could ever love someone the way he loves her but it’s too _hard_. 

She almost wishes she didn’t still love him. That he didn’t love her back. She wishes the problem with them was with each other rather than situational because wouldn’t that mean they would have still been happy together if she just hadn’t been here in Miyagi? In another timeline, she would be with him right now, running her fingers through his thick black hair and kissing his eyelids closed.

She sucked in a deep, sharp breath, one that felt like nails being dragged down inside of her throat. And she finally started to cry. Frantically, she wiped away the rolling tears with the palms of her hands. She pulled her legs up on her desk chair, hugging them to her chest and resting her cheek on her knee. Her damp hair tickled her neck and she let out a small whimper. _My heart hurts_ , she whispered.

She slipped under her cold covers in her cold dorm, burying her face in her pillow to muffle the whines and hiccups and sobs. She didn’t know what to expect when she woke up but she just wanted to feel anything but. She wanted to feel the pain of her dried up contacts in her red swollen eyes tomorrow morning. She wanted to feel her limbs ache and her throat raw. She didn’t care. She just wanted to feel anything but this. 

**Author's Note:**

> please do not actually sleep with your contacts in <3


End file.
